Annie Kirkwood, Author
700 East Shawntel Smith Blvd.
P.O. Box 1376
Muldrow, OK. 74948-1376
April/May 2002 Issue #63
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This is Annie's section
Spring has brought a new addition to our family. Our great-grand-daughter, Jassmine Leigh Ortega, was born on March 18th at 8:02 am, and weighed 8 lbs 8 oz. Now, can someone tell me what all the eights mean in this little ones life? We welcome her into our family with an enormous amount of love. Spring has gotten off to a good start.
Ive continued to work with the affirmations I wrote about last time. You know what happens when you begin to affirm a thing that is not quite set in your being? For instance Ive been affirming that I am not afraid. In my thinking I was referring to any health issues, but the statement does not specify that. It is broad and encompasses a lot. What has happened is that some old fears are sitting in my face until I can resolve them. Since they are old fears, it is fear at a visceral, or gut level, and not a conscious level. These fears are associated with a person from my past.
God/Spirit gives us many opportunities to resolve these old issues and fears. Ive forgiven the person involved long ago and had put him out of my mind for the most part, only occasionally thinking of him because someone or something brought him to mind. Then suddenly I needed his signature and I was back in the fear. But dealing with visceral fear is so different than dealing with emotional or mental fear. Visceral fear doesnt have any rhyme or reason to it. It has nothing to do with what is happening now, and its all about the memory of fear.
At first I thought I could get out of it and let one of my sons deal with it, but right away I received the strong inner message that I had to confront him. So confront him I will, with help though. Because the fear is strong, Ive hired a lawyer to help me. I know this was the right thing to do because the lawyer is helping me with another issue which Id not thought about. But God does work in mysterious ways and this certainly qualifies.
I will continue to work with the affirmation, I am not afraid, until there is no bubbling up of old fears and issues. There may be more fears waiting for me to work through lurking in the future, and I will be able to do it.
For me there is the fear of speaking up, if something concerns me. I know that sometimes when I speak up Im not diplomatic and can be hurtful, so it is very difficult to do it. Since Ive taught myself to speak up, when I dont, it doesnt feel good. I can get very unhappy, and that isnt the way I want to live. So for me it continues to be a working through of old fears over and over until they are resolved.
As I thought of fear, I remembered that the opposite of fear is love, so you could say that when we are in fear we have fallen out of love with ourselves, our surroundings, others, or a combination of these. Most often I can fall out of love with myself quite easily. After all, I had more trouble learning to love myself than I ever had in loving others. But too, I know that I never really loved, in the full sense of the word, until I learned to love and appreciate myself.
I used to think it was selfish to love myself, but now know that it is more selfish not to love myself. You see when I didnt love myself, I was continuously punishing myself, or undermining my efforts in order to prove how unlovable I was. Again this wasnt something I did at a conscious level, but more at a visceral and unconscious level. Im sure that most people do this, as we are more alike than not. These unconscious activities took up most of my energy, and dealing with the results left little energy or time to love others as they needed.
Now though Ive learned to love myself, and so there is time, energy, concentration and interest in others that is not colored or inhibited by not loving myself. Recently I was asked how exactly did you learn to love yourself? It was Mother Mary who said, the first step was to love myself. The only way I could figure out how to do that was through affirmations. Before She asked me to learn to love myself, She had been reassuring me that, God loves you just as you are, Annie. So I took that thought and used it, too. If God could love me, then who was I not to do the same. I repeated over and over, while I cleaned house, God loves me just as I am, even if Im fat, or angry, or feeling bad, God loves me. When I was washing dishes, or ironing, I was affirming that God loved me and I did too.
Mother Mary said to start with acceptance. So I accepted that even if I was the worst person on earth, God loved me. Even if I was the fattest, or the meanest, God loved me, and so I needed to accept that this was me. If I wanted to change anything, I had to do it myself. At first, all my affirmations were about accepting the many and various bad things about myself, then slowly I could accept the good things about me. I accepted that Im a good cook, or that Id never abandoned my children, or that I could be a good friend.
Yes, it took time and lots of effort on my part, but it was worth it. Not that Im so wonderful now, but Im so much more accepting of all people, including loved ones. I dont expect perfection, so I can love them through their own trials. I feel also that our prayers are purer when we can love and appreciate ourselves, because we are loving and appreciating others better. I wish I could say it was easy, but it wasnt, however it was worth it. If you dont love yourself, then get to work and dont waste one more minute. The more loving and accepting we become, the more love is poured into the race consciousness; and this is the level we need to make changes at. We are doing it one person at a time, each time we love unconditionally. So I have gone full circle and gone from love to fear and now back to love again.
Ive received several letters telling me what the newsletter means to you and how you feel when you see the pink envelope in the mail. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and encouragement, it helps. I hope you had a wonderful Easter and that you learn to love yourself unconditionally, if you dont already. With love, comes respect, peace and joy. Who doesnt want these in their life?
Until next time, I remain your friend,
This is Mother Mary's section
My dear children,
It is Mary, Mother of Jesus coming to you with hope. At this time of the year, you have spring, a time of renewal. A time when it appears that life bursts forth in the trees and plants. A time when fruit trees flower and blossom. A time when the earth turns green. Throughout the winter months it would appear that life had gone out of the forest and plains. It had the appearance of desolation and want. But through those long dark months, you had the hope of spring. Now spring is arriving in all parts of the land, spring flowers appear, or will soon appear. Let this time of the year bring you renewed hope, renewed faith, and renewed purpose.
When you find yourself in desolate inner places, remember that the hope of renewal is always present. Unlike the season which comes only once a year, you can renew yourself any time, it is a matter of choice. At anytime of the year you can choose to burst forth with new life, new hope, and new faith. Renew your faith through prayer and meditation. To renew means to refresh, to restore, to bring back to the original form. Your faith is renewed through prayer. Remember that through your prayers you communicate with God, placing in His loving hands all your concerns and worries. Tell Him all about your concerns, and He listens. Are you concerned with loved ones, tell God. Are you concerned with your finances, tell God. Are you concerned with the affairs of the world, tell God. There is no matter too small or too large for Him to handle.
The beauty of this is you only have to confide your concerns, not predetermine the outcome. So many times people think they must predetermine what is needed in the situation. This is not trueleave the determination and outcome to God; let Him work out the matter in His own way and at His own time. You see through the eyes of a human, which are limited. God sees the whole picture through His spiritual eyes which sees the whole picture.
Prayer not only renews your hope and faith, but your trust. When you pray, you have the anticipation of an answer, or a good outcome, because God only gives good. Through this anticipation your hope increases and you expect and look for the outcome. It is the anticipation and your expectation that also increase your hope. Hope helps you look past appearances into Gods realm of goodness, love, and peace. At this time on earth you have an increase in wars, and in rumors of wars. I would have you pray for peace, then expect peace. Hope for God to change mens hearts and find ways to come together to reconcile. Look past the battles, the amount of armory used, towards a time of negotiation and agreement.
I would have you pray for peace in the midst of turmoil. Through you meditation cultivate inner peace, which will help you bring harmony to your inner world, and through your accord to the outer world you live in. Then hope for peace, which simply means look forward to peace in all areas of your world. Pray that all men will look within to find not only hope but peace.
Then pray in faith, believing that peace will come. In faith you will be devoted to your time of prayer and meditation. In faith you will be honor-bound to hold to the expectation of peace. The more you look past the appearance of war, to a time of peace, the more your faith increases. The more you look past the appearance of illness, to a time of wholeness, your faith soars. And always it is as you believe. Faith is the assurance that what you pray for will be given; it is the certainty of an answer.
Faith, my little children, is a promise. It promises that you will believe no matter what is happening to the contrary. Faith is your devotion to God. Faith is the underlying fabric of your confidence in God. Be devoted to your communication to God, be grateful for the blessing you have. Faith is honest, pure, loyal, and reliable. Your faith is important to you, for out of faith you receive answers, blessings, healings, and life. When your faith is intact and high, you are hopeful in all things, assured, and certain that your good is here.
Many times the answer to your prayers is with you, but you do not recognize them because your mind and attention is cluttered with worry. Hope lets you see the answer to your prayer before it is evident to others. Keep your attention and concentration on hope, faith, peace, and above all love.
I urge you to keep the peace in your life, in your family, and in your person. Stay hopeful for peace, even in the midst of family quarrels or disagreement. The more you concentrate on peace, the more you will be led to resolve the issues of your life. Hope is not just a cheerful face, but a cheerful outlook on life. In all situations and circumstances see the good, look for the blessing, and maintain an attitude of hope.
Understand my children, peace is not the absence of wars or arguments, it is more than that. It is joy, serenity, and accord. Hope is not the absence of despair, it is upliftment, good cheer, and expectancy. Love is not the absence of hate, it is devotion, tenderness and passion. So I call upon you to be joyful, uplifted, cheerful, tender and passionate in your prayers and meditation. I call upon you to be loyal and devoted about the time you spend with God.
The best way to help your world is through your prayers and devotion to this call to hope, peace, and love. Often people will say, I wish I could do something for the poor, or homeless or the hungry of the world. You can help. You can do more. You can pray. You can maintain hope for those who have lost it. You can embrace the idea of peace in the midst of conflict. Remember that to love is as simple as to accept, acknowledge, and appreciate. Create an attitude of peace, live in constant prayer, and live your life in appreciation of Gods love. Remember that prayers are accumulative, and the more you pray for peace and the more of you who join in with this prayer, the more you efforts will be felt throughout the world. Renew your minds and hearts with hope, fill your life with good cheer, and your outlook with courage. These things will benefit you, your loved ones, and your world.
I am pleased with you and thank you for listening to my request. You are loved more than you know.
Mary, Mother of Jesus
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Original date: April 8, 2002
Last updated: April 8, 2002