Annie Kirkwood, Author
700 East Shawntel Smith Blvd.
P.O. Box 1376
Muldrow, OK. 74948-1376
August/September 2001 Issue #59
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This is Annie's section
A special thanks to all who wrote, emailed, and sent sympathy cards. I deeply appreciated each message. Many of you related your experiences in losing your parents. Others said they were praying for us. That is something that makes me feel humble and good, because Mother Mary has said that praying for others is the best and highest thing we can do. I gratefully accept all the help through prayer that I can get.
Ive tried to scrutinize myself to see what Ive been doing these past two months. It doesnt seem that Ive done much inner work. I think Ive been doing life. You know, getting up each morning and living the day as it comes. Perhaps Im coasting along, or as one friend said, maybe Im working on other levels. Ive enjoyed these past few weeks. A friend and I took a much needed vacation to Reno, where I planned to play with the one-armed bandits. Instead shopped at Wal-Mart of all places. I guess you can take the woman out of the country but you cant take the country out of the woman. In this rural area we have two choices for shopping. We can go to the small, old Wal-Mart in Stilwell, or to Tahlequah to the big Wal-Mart Supercenter.
In case you are wondering, Byron no longer enjoys taking long vacations. Several years ago he did a lot of business traveling and no longer sees traveling as exciting. My trip seemed to cut into the deep grieving, and I was able to get a better perspective on things. Life truly goes onit doesnt stop for anyone. Upon returning home, we had two of our sons and their families visit us for the Fourth of July. It always helps to be around children. They are so alive and active. I got to yell, Close the door!, which was so familiar and comforting. There is merit in doing life. For me it means that I dont have to give deep thought to things, I just need to live one day at a time. This is an Al-Anon motto, which has meant more to me in the past few weeks than ever before.
Ive found myself being grateful for all things, beginning in the morning when I first open my eyes. I say Thank you, God for my life, for this day, for my family, for the measure of health Im enjoying, and for the abundance which prospers us today. Im finding pleasure in the little things of life, liketime to rest, read, to listen and enjoy the humor in country music, having time to make new friends, and spending time with my husband.
Honestly, Ive faced some health challenges, but nothing serious. Mostly I think they are connected to grieving, in that they seemed to be the same old, same old, and psychosomatic in nature. Its funny, not ha-ha funny, but funny all the same how our bodies react to the issues in our life. Right now one of the things Im doing is changing my thoughts again. I no longer want to chop myself up into different parts, even though I know that I am all these things: physical, emotional, mental, psychological, and of course, spiritual. My new view of myself is as a whole and complete person, or that is the view Im working on keeping in mind. At the same time, Im reminded that you and everyone is whole and complete.
Its always easier to see other peoples wholeness, and in some their shattered state, than to see yourself, isnt it? For me it has been easier to see how Ive been shattered into pieces. Years ago when I began the healing process for the abuse, I truly felt like Id been shattered. But as I went through the different phases of healing, that feeling subsided. Now I want to remember, honor, recognize, and depend on my wholeness. It can still be difficult when my body is neglecting me. But I know that the more I depend on my wholeness, the better I feel; not always better physically, but in more ways than I used to.
Its much more difficult to see the person, or people, who have caused any distress in our lives as whole and complete. We tend to think something is lacking in them or they wouldnt have acted the way they did. Now I feel its not lacking, as they may be focused on only a piece of themselves. Ive been taught these kinds of lessons with analogies. This morning after my morning prayers a jig-saw puzzle kept coming to mind. I thought about how we can concentrate all we want on a piece of a puzzle, and never see the big picture. You really cant tell anything about the whole picture except color. Maybe thats what it means to see my wholeness. Maybe it means I first need to remember there is a bigger picture and that if Im focused or obsessing on only a part of me, I will miss the beauty of being whole.
Even when people arent trustworthy, I keep in mind that within them is good, that they are whole, and that what I see is not all of them. This is difficult when they are family members. Also Im dealing with an uprising of co-dependant issues, or maybe it is just they are coming up again to forgive and to let go. Some of these uprisings are my feeling that its all in my court, how family acts, and how they turned out. But of course it isnt. Its my old dysfunctional way of taking responsibility for everything, even when its not mine.
In dealing with health issues I realize that the behavior of minimizing is not good. Thats when I think, this pain or dizziness is not so bad as its happening, and in reality it could be. So Im learning to look carefully at what is happening, to make wise judgments, and take appropriate action. Its a lesson that Ive learned before. I guess I need the reminder of when and where Im responsible and where Im not. If it has to do directly with me, any part of me, then its mine. The simple rule is that if it affects another person, whether that person is my husband, child, or friend, its not mine.
Well, that is whats going on right now. Still doing life, but making it a pleasant, joyful journey, instead of a trial. Im learning to take everything with a grain of salt, to find the good in everything, and to be happy.
In case youre wondering, we are hosting Mary Day August 15th. For more information please call, or check our website. I hope you all are well, and that your life is equally good and happy. Until next time, I remain your friend,
This is Mother Mary's section
My dear children,
I come today representing the maternal aspect of God who loves, cares, and nurtures everything in His creation, in so many ways. It is my great joy to remind you of His love.
The period of grace continues to be present in your lives (editor's note: refer to June 1996 newsletter). During this time many of you have been working on inner issues, which is good. The people who have not elected to do this inner work may find these issues manifesting themselves in pain. There are many ways to have pain manifested in your lives, besides bodily pain. As the period of grace continues it brings comfort, opportunities, and an easing of pain. It does not take away your pain, only eases it.
When you seek God, often answers will simply be there, doors will open to you and what in the past seemed insurmountable becomes feasible now. The transformation continues, and those who seek God will find yourself becoming more open-minded, your focus will be on good and not the wickedness of mankind.
Focus is something you are to pay attention to. Where you place your focus is where your mind and heart reside. And where your mind and heart live, your energy is directed. If you are in pain, whether that pain is physical, emotional, mental, or circumstantial, and you focus on the pain, you cut off the flow of enlightenment and betterment. New ideas on how to deal with the issue or pain will be delayed because your mind is consumed with the pain. It is important that you keep focused on the good in your life, while at the same time dealing with the issues in a real and practical way. This is how to deal with issues, forgive where that is needed, release what you need to rid yourself of, acknowledge the harm done to you, or the harm you have done to another, and change the things you can.
Ignoring a problem is not the way to deal with the issues of your life. To choose to delay dealing with the issues is another choice. But understand that every dot will be accounted for. Nothing bad will happen to you if you choose to delay dealing with an issue or situation. What happens is that you will continue to be affected by the issue or situation. My little children, remember you have eons to perfect, to become pure in spirit and in truth. Everything comes for you to attend to in that timeframe. The issues come when you are able to do the work. During that timeframe everything is in readiness for you.
You may feel overwhelmed, or overwrought, but understand that our Father Creator knows you better than you know yourself. Be assured that when an issue arises, you are at that moment in time, very capable of attending to it. This is one of the ways your transformation takes place. My little children, as you go about your life, attending to the issues of your life, and improving your life through forgiveness and prayeryou help uplift mankinds consciousness. You are affecting and taking part in the global transformation.
Do not wait for the transformation to take place; transform your heart from one of anger, fear, or any depleting emotion to one filled with compassion, understanding, and awareness of the good God has given to all. Do this through your prayers, through the uplifting of your spirit, and through forgiveness. You do this by becoming peaceful and serene in your inner self. It is not the outer self so much that needs the work, as it is the inner self. So many times people want to change the outer, thinking this will help.
They change their diets and appearance, through exercise and surgeries. These things are not bad in themselves. They are good in that they make you feel better about yourself. You may do this, but dont stop there because that is only scratching the surface.
I ask you to change at depth. To stop hating other people because they do not believe as you do, or because they are of a different culture, religion, race, or locality. I ask you to pray for your enemies, to pray for those who have harmed you, to pray for the people in your life who make it difficult. I ask you to understand that God loves all people, not just the ones like you. I ask you to pay more attention to your thoughts, to your intentions, to the bad feelings you hold onto. I ask you to go within and make peace with yourself. I ask you to love yourself unconditionally and then to love all people in that same way.
Do not confuse loving people unconditionally with allowing yourself to be abused or harmed. God created you with a great sense of survival. The human species wants to survive and it will not allow itself to be killed off. You need to live, the life you have been given on earth. Later, when the time is right, you will be taken to your real life in spirit. But while you are on earth, you are to attend to your life daily. To neglect your life is to waste what God has given you. To not love yourself is to discount what God has created. To abandon yourself and become a victim to any other person or thing, is to devalue the life force which animates you, God.
Loving unconditionally simply means you accept people as they are, respect their person, possessions, beliefs, tenants, and way of life. It means you acknowledge their life on earth, help where you can, and more importantly, pray for them. Loving unconditionally means you place no one above you, nor beneath you, nor behind you in value. Be aware of their goodness even when it is hidden under anger, fear, addiction, and other depleting emotions. Value all life, but do not obsess on only one aspect of it. Acknowledge all people, looking past their offenses to the heart of their goodness. Seek to refine yourself and respect the differences in mankind. Accept that the only person you can change is yourself, yet understand that what you do affects mankind.
The transformation continues, it is within and without. It takes place inside people and it is happening in the atmosphere, on the Earths crust, in the seas, and in every aspect of this globe. Do not worry about where the next earthquake will take place; concern yourself with your own betterment. All will intensify in the next few years. The storms will become larger, the weather more erratic, the seas more unpredictable, and this will affect mankind in larger numbers, but in all things remain in constant prayer to God. Mankind will survive and flourish. The question is how will mankinds heart survive?
You are loved, remember this always in every circumstance. Let this be your solace in life.
Mary, Mother of Jesus.
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Original date: August 3, 2001
Last updated: August 3, 2001