Annie Kirkwood, Author
700 East Shawntel Smith Blvd.
P.O. Box 1376
Muldrow, OK. 74948-1376
August/September 2003 Issue #71
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This is Annie's section
The past two months have been very challenging. We were not able to recover the newsletter database. Im still not sure how, or what to do about subscriptions; perhaps I will ask for renewals at the end of the year. I trust that if Im to do something different, I will be urged to do so. Right now, my life remains somewhat in an uproar. I thank you for prayers and ask that you keep me in your prayers during the next few weeks, as I have major decisions, never an easy task, and health challenges. Im selling Byrons business. He created such a unique business that it doesnt fit into any one industry or category. But I trust that God will bring the right people.
One of my lessons, Im quite sure, is to learn to live alone, learn to take care of myself and my business. Forgive me if Im repeating myself, but it seems that for the first time in my life there is no one to depend on. In the past, Id bragged about how independent I was, not realizing how much I depended on Byron for everything. He was the one who was organized, while I need a visit from the Mission Organization Show from HGTV. A friend once said that she went from daddys lap to husbands bed, and this was certainly true of me. For the very first time in my life I am truly independent. Because not only did I go from my parents home to my husbands, but when I was divorced, I had first three teenagers and later one. My son, Mark, who has Downs Syndrome, is ever with me. This lesson is very belated. Again, its about trusting God and myself. The lesson is going strong and I am learning it.
I had a health crisis during the New Years weekend that made me realize that I am here to stay. I came close to leaving and would have welcomed it, but here I am. One day, on the way to a doctors appointment, I was listening to the country classic radio station, when an old country song came on the air. What stood out were the lyrics. Its a story about a young couple who had agreed to elope. They were to meet at a set time and place. When the boy arrived, he found a note tacked to the tree that read, "If you get there before I do, dont give up on me. Ill meet you when my chores are through; I dont know how long Ill be...." In the last verse the couple are old. The last verse is grandma in the hospital; a grandson and grandfather stop at a church on the way to the hospital to pray. While the old man was praying, the grandson reads the note his grandfather carried with him over the years. Again the words are repeated, "If you get there before I do, dont give up on me. Ill meet you when my chores are through, I dont know how long Ill be...."
It struck me that Byron is somewhere in the beyond waiting for me. Im the one who needs to finish her chores, and these words renewed in me a sense of purpose. Its time to get on with my chores. These lyrics caused a surge of readiness that is so strong that Im really, really ready to get on with my life. First step in this process is to divest myself of Byrons business. Its been difficult to try to do both his work and mine at the same time. Im not doing either very well, which magnified the necessity of turning loose of the business.
In reading from Messages to Our Family, on page 170, Mother Mary urges us to practice our beliefs. Its important for me to remember what my beliefs are, so I repeat them to myself. I truly believe God loves us in such a huge way, its beyond our comprehension, or its beyond mine, and that His love is not dependent on anything I do, say, or believe. And because God loves, He cares about each of us. Its important for me to trust this love right now, trust that when I ask, I will receive.
Also trust that as Im dismantling my life as a couple to build a new one as a single person, God is with me, handling the details. I trust that God will pick up where Im weak and help me to complete my chores. These chores may be just living my life in solitude or writing once again. They could even mean doing the things I dont like, but Im willing to trust it will be good, no matter what the future looks like.
Trust is such a nebulous thing, so intangible, but yet so necessary to life. Trust is more than having confidence in God and His ability to overcome my frailties: its about duty and doing what Im guided to do. Its also about listening to the inner urging which tells me what is right for me. What is right for me may not be what another person would view as wise, but if I follow my inner urging, I know that I will have peace. And for me, its about being at peace at all times and in all things.
Ive not really been at peace probably since Byron died. Ive fought his death, the changes in my life, decisions, and thinking about the future. Yet that night, in a life-threatening situation, I found inner peace again. It was the best sleep Id had in over a year. My only complaint was that the nurses wouldnt leave me alone. Later I found out how sick I had been. But today, thank God, Im feeling better than I have since Sept. 2002, although my lab numbers dont reflect it. Trust is more than wishful thinking for me; its about taking some action step, about following through with the confidence that if Im not doing what Im supposed to do, I will know it. Its also about releasing the worry, doubts, and the tendency to berate myself.
I cant do those things and trust in God. But mostly, its about reminding myself of what I believe. I believe that there is more to life than this existence on earth. That Im not here to save or work on anyone except myself. Once Mother Mary said to me that my work is forgiving, loving, trusting, and cleansing my heart of all lingering anger and fear. My service is being Her messenger. Put in that context you cant be unsure of what youre here to do. Im here to love, trust, forgive, and live my life in peace. This reminds me of the song I love that says, "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me." As I live in a state of peace, my prayer is that you and everyone will find the gift of peace in your life.
Once again, if you know someone who is failing to get their newsletter, call or write me with their information. Thank you for listening and for your friendship.
Until next time, I remain your friend, Annie
This is Mother Mary's section
My dear children,
I come to you in love and in truth. Does it surprise you that I come to you in Truth? Truth will help you live your life to the best of your abilities. The truth I speak of is Gods Truth. God is Love unending, absolute Tolerance, the most amazing Peace, the highest form of Reality, and so much more. I would remind you to expand your concept of God, for He is everything good and beyond earthly concepts.
Do you realize what God has created? He not only made your world, but everything in the Universe. For one moment think on how wonderfully formed mankind is. Think of all that transpires within the human body, all that the body does to maintain life. You do not have to think on all the different adjustments the body makes every moment of your life. It happens with an on-going inner intelligence of its own. You are free to live your life without constantly adjusting the workings of your body in order to keep yourself alive. Your heart continues to beat, your breath is regulated, your chemical make-up is constantly balancing itself.
The Truth is that God is so much more than you can conceive, so much more loving than you realize. And that, my children, is the Truth that can help you live your life with purpose and comfort. It is a comfort to be loved in such a grand way. It is a comfort to know that His love is constant and never ending. You do not have to worry about that. You are free to be as loving as you can be. You are free to be a source of love in your own life and in the lives of others.
God gave you the gift of life; now live your life with a renewed sense of rightness. You are here to live, to bring peace into the world through your actions, your relationships, and through your ability to love. Remember that what I am talking about is not the mushy, outer manifestations of love, but the deep inner acceptance of yourself and all people. Acceptance of your life, your abilities, your loved ones, and your world is how to love. When you accept, you affirm that you are a creation of God and all is good. You acknowledge that you have value to yourself and more importantly to God.
Accepting also means that you take this gift of life and treasure it for the value it is to you and to your world. You do not have to perform great feats for the world, but you do need to do great things for yourself such as forgiving, seeing the good in everything, which therefore give you hope. And in so doing these great things, such as loving yourself and all people, and in being accepting of yourself and others, you make your area of the world a better place. Accept your life even when you are not happy with the circumstances you face, when you are in any unsettling situation, and when you face challenges. Do not allow any issue, problem, or circumstance to keep you from accepting of the wonderful gifts of Spirit.
The gifts of God are a greater love than you can find anywhere--the help to change your life and yourself, the peace that comes from deeper prayer, and forgiveness. How can you not be grateful for so much? These are treasures of the Spirit, my little children. These treasures will not corrupt or tarnish. All you need to do is open your mind and heart.
The other aspect of love that I ask you to practice is appreciation. What you appreciate, you care for. When you truly appreciate, you value, you are cognizant of the gifts worth. Be truthful in your appreciation. Let yourself realize that your life, your soul are of great worth. Do not devalue your life with pettiness or with anger. Look within to find your worth. Look within to find what is true.
Most of all, value your communication to God through prayers and meditations. Remain constantly in a state of loving acceptance and deep appreciation of your life and the sanctity of life itself. What you hold dear will be what is in your heart. Hold not only the value of your life, but the truth of your life as a cherished thing. Be truthful with yourself, my children. Look for that which is factual in your life, the truth will give you the impetus to change. Value the truth in your life. You cannot look to the world and other people to give you value. The world values position, money, the power each person holds. God values your souls ability to love and spirits goodness. Please do not confuse what Im asking you to value with what the world values and cherishes.
My desire is that you will value Gods Truth, not mans interpretation of Gods Truth, but what is absolutely true about God. God is Spirit; this is how He created you, in His image and likeness. God is Love, the essence that He used to make you. God is Forgiving at all times, the way He involves Himself in your life. God is at all times Peaceful, the way you were created to live. God is Truth, that which glues you and your life into His beauty. God is Joy, how He wishes you to live. God is Goodness, the vital force of your soul. God is so much more than this. Today simply dwell on these Truths of God.
He is at the same time personal and principle, meaning that He can relate to you as a parent relates to His cherished child, and at the same time impersonally setting in place wonderful laws that keep the Universe and everything in it working together. God has even created laws in place for disorder, so that everything keeps balanced and working together for the good of the Universe and its people. In this way God keeps your world and your life settled so that you have the freedom to live as you choose. If you are not happy with your life, then choose to change it. Do what is needed so that you live in peace and joy.
Now, my little children, I would have you love everything in your life, and every circumstance that comes to you. Love the person you are. Love and accept your loved ones just as they are. Love and appreciate your authenticity, your worth, then love your family, your friends, your acquaintances as God loves you. Accept them for who they are. Appreciate their spirit and their soul. What you accept and appreciate, you will treasure.
Remind yourself of Gods Truths daily, and most of all, love God. It is the only commandment my Son gave. Love God by living your life in a peaceful and loving way. Be ever prayerful and keep your prayers on-going. Pray for those who are feeling unloved. Pray for the people who are deceiving themselves about their worth and value and so are in despair. Pray for the people who are not at peace. Pray for the children of the world, that they will know they are loved and in this way change the future. Value all people, even the ones you do not like or agree with. Keep a prayer vigil for all people in all parts of the world. This is my request. I am loving you and appreciate all that you are.
Mary, Mother of Jesus.
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Original date: 2004
Last updated: 2004