Annie Kirkwood, Author
700 East Shawntel Smith Blvd.
P.O. Box 1376
Muldrow, OK. 74948-1376
June/July 2000 Issue #52
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This is Annie's section
The last newsletter seemed to have struck a cord with many of you. I heard from quite a few people who either felt the same ebb, felt the need to cheer me up, or simply to give me their view of the ebb. Thank you all for responding; its always comforting to know that someone out there understands. Its also comforting to know there are friends who are in this human experience with me.
Do I still feel the ebb? I feel a change more than an ebb now. While I was in New Jersey this past month, I commented on feeling a change coming. It feels like Im waiting and not knowing what Im waiting for. Many of the participants in the workshop were feeling a change coming in their lives, too. Mother Mary said this is a year of transition; I feel its not a calendar year but a period of time. I think the year began maybe last fall and will continue through the spring of 2001.
It feels like a time of preparation, but Im not sure how to prepare. I know that, most of the time, preparation, for me, means more prayer and more meditation. It means scrutinizing my inner self to see what needs to be cleared away. My meditation time has fallen by the wayside over the past few years. I used to meditate for hours at a time. Now I do thirty or forty minutes. When I think of how much time I used to spend in meditation, it seems that now Im slacking off, even though I still meditate daily. Also Ive been falling asleep during my meditations, which is frustrating. In our family meetings, I learned that if I start with a statement of intention, the intention is what happens during my meditation.
As an example: usually my intention is to strengthen my connection to God, or to be in Gods presence, or to simply commune with God. If I fall asleep, The Brotherhood assures me that its only my conscious mind that sleeps. My spirit, my soul, carries out my request to be with God. But being the human being that I am, I like to be conscious and aware during my meditations. I like the feeling of having accomplished a meditation according to my idea of how a meditation should go. AND...yes, I do know that shoulds are a no-no, and never help you feel good about yourself.
Well, Im preparing as best I can, which were Mother Marys exact words to me many years ago. Once when I asked her how to do what she requested, she replied, "Do it as best you can." Im also beginning to look forward to the transformation thats taking place within me to be completed. I can feel the transformation taking place, but Im not sure what all, or what areas, are transforming.
Lately, Ive been asking, what am I learning? Im told the lesson is on trust and that this will be one of the things I work on this year and throughout this life experience. I thought Id already learned to trust, but Im told I missed some of the finer points. Now I have the opportunity to concentrate on them, again. Its true that trusting hasnt been easy for me. I thought it had more to do with my childhood abuse experiences and issues. In the past, people I thought I could trust, betrayed me. I married at sixteen before I had developed any real self-confidence or trust. When I married my first husband, he didnt live up to his marriage vows. It was the old betrayal and trust issue again, but in a different guise, and with a different person. Im convinced that, if we dont learn our lessons the first time, they keep coming back through different people and different circumstances. Many times in talks I say, "Dont worry if you dont get it the first time, God will give many opportunities to do so."
If we havent learned what we can from our family of origin, we will marry a person who will give us opportunities to learn the lesson, or work for someone that will personify the issue, or live next door to someone, or be friends with people who will bring the lesson to us over and over again, until we get "it." So I married the perfect person at a very young age to bring the issue of trust into my life and to have it sit in my face for over twenty years. At the time I wasnt aware of the opportunity; it felt like betrayal, and it reinforced the thought that I couldnt trust anyone, not even myself. But in reality, I was learning all I could about trust by experiencing the absence of trust.
So what have I learned about trust? For me its more about learning to trust my own instincts and reactions. Learning to trust the information that comes to me, for me, and about me. Also, Ive learned that trust is a skill. It gets better the more you rely upon it or rely upon yourself. When I looked up the word "trust" in the dictionary, I found that it was about having confidence, depending, believing, hoping, and having faith. In the past, I hadnt been able to depend upon myself. The circumstances of my life choices didnt leave me with many opportunities to learn to be independent. And being a true-blue, raging, co-dependent, I was afraid of being independent. So Ive had to learn to have faith in myself, to believe in myself, and be self-confident. Im still practicing these things. I thought they were separate lessons. By looking the word "trust" up in the dictionary, I found out that these were all the same lessons on trust.
Whatever state I find myself in, I am transforming, changing, and continuing to learn. But then, dont all of us have these same kind of experiences in our lives? Isnt it comforting to know that we have so many similar experiences and lessons in common? Isnt it so very wonderful just how different and personalized our lessons are? I feel that God is so amazingly astounding. He loves each of us so much that He allows us to learn in our own way, in our own time frame, and through simply living our lifedaily.
This year August 15th falls on Tuesday, which is the day of amazing inspiration. The Saturday before is the second Saturday of the month, which Mother Mary has designated as a day of prayer. I invite you to attend both Saturday and Tuesday if you can. Our home will be open from Saturday through Tuesday. We can come together to share experiences, pray, and meditate. I am here for you. Until next time I remain your friend,
This is Mother Mary's section
My dear children,
I come to you today in understanding and with a compassionate heart. I call you to open your mind and heart. Allow yourself to open your mind and heart to compassion, courage, and tolerance. It takes a heart filled with compassion to learn to love yourself and others without conditions. It takes a mind filled with courage to make the necessary changes within to live in peace. And it will take wisdom to know when and where to help yourself and others. Tolerance allows you to have compassion without limit, to be courageous without fear. Wisdom gives you the ability to know if help is needed, and when it is just a matter of listening or speaking a word. Remember, every hour lived is the right time for a prayer.
Many of you wish to help others, but do not want to face your own issues or to change your own mind-set. You cannot truly help others if you are filled with the denial of your own issues. You do not truly help others if you are intolerant of others views, beliefs, circumstances, or life choices. Your help will not be real help, but a way to salve your own heart if you are intolerant of the differences in people.
Look within and find the truth of your own situations and circumstances. So many times you find more ways to avoid the truth of your situations and circumstances, and this does not help. Remember who you are and be true to yourself first. It is when you help yourself, and as you go through the process of finding yourself, that you are free to help others with your whole heart and a clear mind. Seek always to speak the truth to yourself. My little children, do not deceive yourself into believing that which is false. Truth in every situation in life is what will guide you to peace.
There is no peace in denial. There is no peace in turmoil. There is no peace in intolerance. There is no peace in judgment. Let me explain, my children. When you live in denial of the truth of the events, circumstances, and choices you have made, you will have doubts about yourself and your choices. In denial there is contradiction and protestations enter your mind and heart. How can you be peaceful filled with doubts, protestations, and contradictions? How can you see what is best, if you do not see the problem with a clear mind and heart?
Denial leads you to turmoil, which causes you to be confused and disturbed. Confusion and disturbances bring disorder and chaos. The chaos and disorder of the world are caused by a lack of truth and unconditional love. Intolerance causes biases which separate you from each other and closes your heart to compassion. Intolerance also causes you to negate your own pain and the pain of others. It also causes you to withhold or restrain your kindness and mercy.
It is imperative that you become compassionate, tolerant, and that you live in truth. This is the way to bring about the changes necessary to instill peace and serenity in the hearts of mankind. It takes more than thinking about tolerance. It takes living a life of tolerance. First, you will be tolerant of yourself. You will allow that you make mistakes and that other people do too. You will be able to allow each person to have their own opinion and make their own choices without fear of your judgment.
Be truthful when you pray, and pray not to be heard or thought well of by man, but to be heard by God. Remember that God hears the unspoken prayer as well as the spoken one. He hears your heart of hearts and knows when you pray with earnestness and sincerity. It is your earnest and sincere prayer that is heard the loudest. Many times you pray one way and feel a different way. Your whole being must agree and be made in truth for the answer to come.
Have you not wondered why the prayer said in desperation at the last minute is most often the one answered the quickest? It is often when you reach your last desperate point that your whole being agrees on what the request is. So often you pray for others and ask God specifically to make changes in the other person that you wish to see in their lives. And often these changes are requested irregardless of what is truthfully needed in the situation. But when you are in desperate situations, then you cut away the debris of falseness, deception, and distortions.
Truth clears the way to live your life in peace. Tolerance and compassion allow you to truly help your fellow man. Truth helps you to be understanding. Only when you can acknowledge the pain or error of your own ways can you be understanding of the errors of others choices. When you are tolerant, you allow others to make their own choices, to find their own inner guidance, and their own inner connection to God. An open mind and heart are a tolerant mind and a compassionate heart.
Express your compassion in tender and loving ways. Let kindness be the way you relate to each other. You can be honest and kind. You can be tender and strong. You can be supportive of others. You can encourage those who have lost their faith. You can associate one with sympathy. You can commiserate and listen, one to the other.
When you understand each other, you will perceive the truth of your relationship. Listen with an open mind so that you can comprehend each others predicaments and situations. It will be with a deep understanding which will bring insight in how to help yourself and each other. Open your mind to the fact that each of you have a direct route to the Father within. No one person can be a route for the other to find their inner connection. But one person can support, encourage, and teach others how to go within to find their connection to God. An open mind will allow you to see the similarities and to appreciate the differences in people.
An open heart is what is needed today, so that you can find it within you to be of service to mankind. An open heart will express itself in friendliness and benevolence. You will be ready to be of help when called upon. You will be gentle and gracious. You will allow other people to believe as they choose, to choose what they will, and to make their own decisions. You will teach your children to do the same. Let your whole being act from a perspective of love and leave fear behind. To truly be loving is to be understanding, tolerant, and compassionate. You can do this. You have goodness deep within you. Find it, my little children.
Mary, Mother of Jesus
This is Byron's section
Personal PreparednessWell, summer is upon us and were preparing for vacations, traveling, outdoor excursions, picnics, visiting relatives and all the fun that goes with it. And of course the big 4th of July holiday is coming up.
While you are on the road, or visiting the local lake, are you prepared if there is an accident? Could you perform simple first aid; to clean and bandage a cut, stop bleeding, treat a bee sting or snake bite, perform CPR? If there is some doubt in your mind, consider taking a first aid courseeither your first, or a refresher, if the time has expired on your first aid card. Theres lots of places to take these courses. Most major cities have an American Red Cross chapter that offers first aid courses regularly. Many hospitals and fire departments also have regular courses. Givem a call and sign up before you get too busy to take the course. And dont forget your children. If they are old enough to take a first aid course, sign them up and take them along. It can be fun and besides, it might be you who is injured. They could be the one to stop your bleeding or to relieve your pain and suffering.
Now how about your first aid kit(s)? You do have one in the car, dont you? If not, you need one! Im assuming you have one, or the equivalent in first aid supplies, in the house. How about the office? Is there a first aid kit there, and do the others in the home or office know where to find it quickly? Are there other locations where you should have a first aid kit handy, for example, if you have a detached garage or barn? Do you have a off-road motorcycle or ATM (all terrain vehicle) that should have a first aid kit, in case something happens when you are out in rough areas, or just away from the home or car.
And check your first aid kits to see if they need additional supplies or if some of the items are out of date and need replacing.
Around the house there may be a tendency to have the "first aid supplies" spread out all over. Find or purchase a nice container to put all the supplies in, so you can grab it and take it with you if there is an accident out in the yard or elsewhere in the home. Again, make sure everyone in your family knows where the "first aid kit/box" is kept, so they can find it in an emergency.
Recently I had a potential customer call checking on pricing and availability of my most expensive outdoors first aid kit (the Atwater Carey Mountain Rescue kit). He lives in Colorado and he told me a story about how he was out in the boonies and drove up on an over-turned vehicle. Apparently there was already a group of people around offering assistance, but he was the only one with a first aid kit with him and he administered first aid to one of the occupants. This struck a cord in him and he was considering joining the local SAR (Search and Rescue) group, taking additional first aid courses, and he was interested when I suggested becoming a ham radio operator as part of his preparedness plan.
Over the Memorial Day weekend we had a family cookout at my parents home, in Dallas, and a neighbor stopped by. He mentioned he had been stung by a bee. I had my car emergency kit, so I went to get my Sawyer Bee Sting and Extractor kit. Much to my chagrin it wasnt there (I remedied that upon my return to Oklahoma), but my daughter-in-law had her first aid kit in her car and it included the Extractor. I used the Extractor to suction out the bees venom. Later the next week my mom talked with the neighbor and he said that it had done the trick.
And weve had our own experiences with the Extractor. Ive used it on a mosquito bite and a bee sting on Annie. Thank goodness we havent had the need to use it on a snake bite, but Im glad to know its there if needed.
A lot of people will be spending some of this vacation and holiday time at the lakes and swimming pools. CPR (circulatory pulmonary respiration) can save lives. Most first aid courses teach a combination of first aid and CPR, so again, take the course. Another reason for taking a refresher course is that the techniques do change from time to time and you need to know the latest techniques. CPR may soon be undergoing a major change in they way it is performed.
Another important piece of personal emergency gear is a fire extinguisher. Outdoors activity often means camp fires, and traveling offers other opportunities to stumble across other types of fires. So like the first aid kit, make sure you have fire extinguishers where you need them and can get to them quickly.
Have a good and safe summer Byron
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Original date: June 8, 2000
Last updated: July 29, 2000